We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
