did you get engaged???
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
