Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
