btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
