My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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