drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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