We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't notice because vodka
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
