I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
