saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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