Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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