i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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