i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
