I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
