So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
