im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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