when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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