I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
