I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
