Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
