I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
