you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
