If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
