quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
