My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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