I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
