it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
