i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
