There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize