my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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