"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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