he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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