He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
