my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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