It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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