You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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