Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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