We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
