So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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