Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize