getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
