i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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