I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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