Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
