Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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