That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
