Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
