i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
