you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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