craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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