I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
