JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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