dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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