I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
