ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
