did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize