Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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