Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
