At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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