chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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