My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
