Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
