I think I died a long time ago.
Screwed.edu
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
