Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He passed out mid-signature
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
