Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
