you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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