I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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