Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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