And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
