He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
