if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
