Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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