Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
