i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
