Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
