let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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