Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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