we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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