Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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