I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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