Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
