I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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