so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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