its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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