dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
